We have been taught that forgiveness is the only healthy, morally sound response to violation, and that it must be granted without conditions, even when the person who hurt us is unremorseful — even when that person is dead. In her long-awaited second book, the gifted therapist and bestselling author of After the Affair debunks these myths. Drawing on twenty-nine years as a clinical psychologist, Dr. Spring proposes a radically new, life-affirming alternative that lets us overcome the corrosive effects of hate and get on with our lives — without forgiving. She also offers a powerful and unconventional model for genuine forgiveness — one that asks as much of the offender as it asks of us. Forgiveness is no gratuitous gift, she argues. We can heal ourselves, but forgiveness must be earned. How Can I Forgive You? answers such crucial questions as: How do I forgive someone who can’t or won’t apologize for hurting me? How do I reconcile with an unrepentant offender and maintain my self-respect? If I can’t forgive, how do I put the injury behind me? Is forgiveness my job alone, requiring nothing in return? When is forgiveness cheap, and when is it genuine? What can the offender do to earn forgiveness? How can I encourage the offender to seek my forgiveness? What is self-forgiveness? How do we achieve it? This bold and healing book offers concrete, step-by-step instructions that help us to make peace with our partner, parent, sibling, child, in-law, or friend — and with ourselves. Penetrating and beautifully written, How Can I Forgive You? is bound to change forever the way we think about forgiveness and how we recover from intimate wounds.